Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Friday, August 8, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Live to 100
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.
The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied, "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"
2 Blondes and a Compact
Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
"Let me look." said the other one. So she handed her the compact.
The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one. "You dumbass -- that's ME!
Sensitive Wife
A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself.
The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.
"Are you hurt?" he asked.
"Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once!"
Stress Prayer
Lord,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I cannot accept, And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
And, help me to be careful Of the toes I step on today as they May be connected to the ass That I might have to kiss tomorrow.
Heaven Questions
This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions.
guy: "Why are girls so pretty?"
God: "So you'll like them."
guy: "Why are girls soft?"
God: "So you'll like them."
guy: "Why are girls so dumb?"
God: "So they'll like you."
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